a dreadful reality of her death
by Kaiya Mochidzuki
Summary: not much was really emphasized about the feelings of yuuhi towards chidori. and not much really cares. but what does yuuhi truly feel about her?


Kaiya: Hey guys. This is my present for Kumiko's birthday. She has been constantly begging people to do her a yuuhi x chidori fic so I just made this specially for her… Hope _you_ like it. [Please do not get that wrong idea about us again… We're not!] 

Chibi Yuki: Kaiya's on a bad mood today… tsk tsk tsk…

Kaiya: Heeeehh!!! Yuuuukkkiii!!!! You're so cute!

Yuki: **blinks his eyes and strikes his hair a bit** thank you…

Kaiya: **Weeheeeh!! He's so gorgeous!** Ehem… **composes her posture** Okay, sorry for the little cutie scene that just happened. I just finished watching 'Fruits Basket' and I just can't help admiring Yuki! He's so cute and mysterious.. 

Warning: Because I am still in a hangover, this fic is a little bit influenced by 'Fruits Basket'… 

And btw, sorry for the silly interruptions I made along the fic… blame my shallow imagination for it.

Kumiks, this one's for you… Hope you like it… ^____^

Chibi Yuki: Heeeh, I think Kaiya's emotionally unstable right now so she's a bit sensitive… Please do leave a review to make her feel better… Thank you! ^_~

Kaiya: Btw, I hope you get the true meaning of this fic, I hope you get the meaning behind the shabby words. And can you guess who's speaking in this fic?! Tell me by leaving a review. Ty! ^___^

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A Dreadful Reality of Her Death 

By kaiya

Every night, I would follow him through the dark shallow depths of the city and to the narrow brinks of the old cemetery that stood for almost a century. 

Every night, I would sneak behind his back and watch him as he kneels down and puts the red rose beside the forgotten rock. 

On some nights, I would find him tracing the indentions carved marvelously in the marble rock that stood by itself.

On some nights, I would see him weep and shout in angst.

But there was never a night…

When I heard him speak a single word.

Not even once.

December 12, Chidori's death anniversary. We visited her grave first thing in the morning but he wasn't there. He was nowhere to be found on that particular day. Instead, he came to her grave during the night, when the world was asleep and the only voices he heard were the cries of the wolves down east. I followed him once again but I was to be discovered. With the harsh rain falling down on us, we sat near the grave of our beloved Chidori. 

I looked at him deeply, and gave it a try to ask him probably the most dreadful question I had curiously developed in my mind.

I waited for a response but no word escaped from his rose scarlet lips that shivered in the coldness of the bitter rain.

A few moments of stillness passed by, the rage of the lucent gems from the murky sky continued on pouring. At last, the slightest movement from his numb body was made against the arctic wind that came from nowhere.

He rose up from the filthy meadow he had been sitting on for almost all night. He quivered once more as he was greeted by an unfamiliar coldness brought about by the new layer of earth he almost forgot in the time that he was humbling himself down.

He turned around in a manner wherein I assumed he was going to run away from me and my dreadful question to him. But he remained frozen in the solitude of his own world, and he looked up at the dark mysterious horizon which fascinated him once. Incessant hails of rain dropped to his body like that of the tears of a mother for his son. I watched him in awe as he closed his eyes and felt for the very first the vileness of the present scenery that was lingering around us.

And he spoke softly, 

"…Have you ever felt that unexplainable heaviness in your chest and a thousand jagged edged knife imposed deep inside your heart?"

I stared at him and contemplated on the question he just mentioned.

He didn't wait for my reply though and he continued with his eyes closed and his chin lifted up to the sky.

"That thing… 

That thing… 'guilt'…

Is what's paining me until this very moment of my existence."

Alas, he had said it, the unexplainable heaviness in his chest and the thousand jagged edged knife imposed deeply inside his heart.

He finally revealed to me the greatest secret of his very soul.

Yes, he truly felt guilty…

Guilty of everything that should have turned all right.

Guilty of everything that he should have been stopped.

Guilty of… 

her death…

Yes, her death that was the very essence and meaning of this unbearable sorrow he was feeling.

Her death was the beginning of this dreadful reality he ought many times to live behind.

But how could he just forget all about it?

How could he just turn his life around as if tomorrow never really happened, and what was today was the beginning of his new life.

How could he just… forget about her…

Two years had already passed by since then, two revolutions of seasons had already gone but he still never forgot the pain and agony he felt that tragic night. And what even made it worse was that the longer the nights were, the heavier the feeling went, the deeper the wound became. As nights slowly passed by, so as the pain killed him slowly.

……But it never did killed the guilt that was already creating a cobweb inside his art and form. It was already tearing  his soul apart piece by piece, and wasn't even considering the option of leaving him.

He was to forever remain this way.

Yuuhi and his guilt.

It will be forever.

Unless he realizes that… 

We are all only humans…

Only humans indeed…

+++

He had unconsciously answered my question. I had already found the answer I was looking for in the words he whispered but never let me hear.

I had already found the very reason why he was persecuting himself with all the things that had happened.

Why he was persecuting himself of the death of Chidori.

Yes, Yuuhi, I now know why you persecute yourself.

I now know your reason…

+++

You loved her deeply.


End file.
